When I was a boy I received a King Kong action figure for my birthday. At that time I really liked King Kong and this gift was very special. While playing with my toy I soon found out that my little brother (around 3 years
At a retreat, I supported a conversation between two men who had experienced a break in connection. One man of Chinese and European descent – let’s call him Chris - shared the pain he experienced growing up in a primarily European community. He shared the
When we speak with one another in English, we have a remarkable tendency to use the word “feel” to describe what are actually our thoughts. For example, have you ever said something like: “I feel like you did that on purpose!” or “I feel I’m a
There is a saying in many spiritual traditions, “Only speak if you can improve upon the silence.” Personally, there are plenty of times when I’d rather simply be quiet. There’s also a time and a place to speak up—when we need to set limits, seek
Eight months ago my husband and I welcomed an adorable baby boy whom we named Sol. Transitioning into parenthood has been a whirlwind -- lots of changes and novelty as we navigate this new territory. There has been a lot of learning about life, our
More and more these days I find myself dreading looking at the news or the notifications on my phone. Whether it’s a domestic shooting, a tropical storm, or the rainforest in flames, it can feel overwhelming to stay abreast of what’s happening yet impossible to
RECENTLY I’VE BEEN CONSULTING with businesses and organizations, teaching communication skills and conflict resolution. Sometimes I’m working with a team; other times I’m coaching a manager or executive. Either way, eventually the topic of email comes up. Someone might be navigating a particularly thorny situation
Seven years ago while I lived in Singapore, my Aussie friends from Perth visited with their two year old daughter. I took them to a local, infamous nocturnal park crawling with curious creatures big and small. At one point we stood together in a bat
Given all that we are facing today as a society and a species, the need to have honest conversations about things that matter is paramount. Communication skills are an essential ingredient in this arena, but I don’t think they’re sufficient. To stay balanced and clear
I know it is not the question, “Are you feeling x , because you need y ?” The way I think NVC approaches empathy is not with the particular meaning of ‘feeling what another feels,’ like an empath does. This meaning of empathy is showing
"Get connected to the needs, and the solutions will find you." Since 2005, I’ve been living with this idea, a statement I heard Marshall Rosenberg make a number of times during my first two years of training in NVC. At around the same time, I heard
In NVC circles, there are several topics that are often raised when someone behaves in a way that’s painful to another person. Discussions come up about the toxicity of shame, about how feedback that’s harsh and judgmental directly counters NVC principles. People dismiss and actively