Hi Friend, I was chatting with a friend about some tension he's experiencing with his partner. He was clearly frustrated, telling me, "My partner gets upset. I try using Nonviolent Communication, I empathize and reflect, and she just gets more annoyed. She'll say, 'Stop that!' I
“What do I say?” This is one of the questions that I’m asked most frequently in workshops. You may know you want to say something in the moment to show that you care, but you may often find your mind goes blank. This is where my
I often use this space to share NVC tips to empower positive change in self and relationships. This time I want to acknowledge the limits of individual effort, especially within systems like workplaces. You can have all the skills in the world but there is
When you step into a conversation full of tension, remember this: every movement they make towards you matters. Every attempt, every fragment of acknowledgment— Notice it. Appreciate it. In my last newsletter, I spoke about noticing warmth—any sign of warming or opening up in
REQUESTS VS. DEMANDS In Collaborative Communication (aka Nonviolent Communication or NVC), we often discuss ways to make a clear and doable request, so folks know what we’re asking and, we hope, agree to do it. But we’re not always so precise about the distinction between requests
I have a sense that 90% of Nonviolent Communication is about “Self-Connection.” When using this expression, I’m referring to the practice or process that lives at the root of Inbal Kashtan’s Tree of Life diagram. I see this diagram as inviting us to return to
“Gratitude is the heart’s memory.” —French Proverb The practice of expressing gratitude and being thankful is a choice that unleashes positive energy into our lives. Many psychologists agree that gratitude is the healthiest human emotion. Focusing on things that we are grateful for will put things
Dear Friends— This article was originally published about five years ago. People seemed to find it helpful back then; it also feels relevant now. Not all problems can be resolved solely with active listening and empathy (often, we also need action, including restorative or protective solutions)
Letting Go of Resentments Towards Yourself We have all done something that we regret or feel guilt about. Guilt is not a bad thing. It is an alarm going off telling us that we did something that may not have been in alignment with our value
YEARS AGO, WHEN I FIRST started working as a leadership coach and consultant in Collaborative Communication, my nightmare fantasy was that during a business meeting, I’d make a “bad” empathy guess about my client’s needs and values. As a rookie, I was convinced that this
A question I’ve often been asked is “How do we rebuild damaged trust?” Usually this is being asked in connection with an intimate relationship, but sometimes it’s within friendships, professional relationships, or other familial relationships. I don’t imagine there’s a recipe for rebuilding trust that works
The practice of slowing down can be experienced as a gift for anyone who can master this discipline. So many times we may be so busy that we can forget to unwrap this gift and focus on what is most important to us. We may