The Art of Interrupting with Grace

[Please note: The views and opinions expressed in each post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of BayNVC as a whole.]

“What do I say?” This is one of the questions that I’m asked most frequently in workshops. You may know you want to say something in the moment to show that you care, but you may often find your mind goes blank. This is where my many years of training come in—because having the words is part of the process of being able to support people.

Something many people struggle with is interrupting, especially if someone is telling you a tender story or if they’re “on a roll.” You care about the relationship, and at the same time, you might need to change topics or have a time constraint. One of the most important things, when interrupting is necessary, is to start by connecting to what the person is saying. Validate them. You can say something like:

• “Wow, that sounds really hard.”
• ” Fascinating! “
• “I’m touched you’re trusting me with this story.”

Or even better, you can reflect back something they just said or how it landed:

• “Oh, and then she said that? That must’ve been a surprise.”
• “If I were in your shoes, I’d be really worried too.”
• “So I’m hearing that you decided to change course.”

This shows that you’re with them. Then, immediately follow up with:

• “I’d really love to hear more about this, but I need to transition.”
• “I wish I had more time to sit with this.”
• “…but I want to make sure we discuss “topic X” before the end of our meeting.”

And it’s helpful to share why you’re interrupting:

• “I’ve had back-to-back meetings, and my brain’s fried. Can we revisit this later?”
• “I need to shift gears to finish up preparing for my meeting tomorrow.”

It may already feel like a relief to have read about this approach and become aware of the exact words for these situations. Don’t be surprised if you find it challenging to use these concepts in live situations.  Most people need to practice using it before it becomes a doable thing because it’s not enough to just read about.

That’s one of the things I make sure to do in my workshops: you get a chance to practice. Because when you practice, it becomes part of your muscle memory. You get to feel the anxiety (not as much as in a real situation, but enough to notice), and you put in the effort to shift a pattern which makes it more likely that you’ll be able to do something different when it counts.

Practicing also helps you find your own words. I can give you mine, and that’s helpful, but practicing helps you say it in a way that feels natural to you. That’s key to making these skills your own. In my workshops, practice groups—and especially in coaching sessions where we focus on your situation—we find the language and energy that works best for you.

I’d love to see you at our upcoming workshops, “Next Economy Leadership Series: Growing Strong Teams and Cultures.” You’ll gain skills to support your leadership, for new and experienced practitioners. You could also join our monthly practice group series for intermediate practitioners. Or sign up for my newsletter to stay in touch, hear about my events and get monthly tips like this

As a collective we have an unprecedented need to be amazing communicators— to be connected, authentic, and confident in our words! I believe in all of you and really want to be a support for your ability to navigate relational dynamics and make a difference in the ways that are important to you.